How Porrim Got Kankri to Wear the Sweater
by Shaymeless
Summary: After weeks of trying, and failing, to get Kankri into the sweater made with love, Porrim finally manages to devise a plan where he can't reject it without it backfiring on him.


That was the very last straw.

Porrim was sick and tired of Kankri rejecting her sweater over and over again. Honestly, for a troll who complained about triggers and being more aware of other's feelings every second of every minute of every hour, you would think he would be at least _a little_ bit more considerate about her gifts. In his eyes, they weren't gifts, of course. That was obvious from his oh-so-rude behavior. But to her, they were. She spent hours and days making the beautiful red garment, taking extra care to find the right material to make sure it was soft and not itchy, comfortable and adorable, and bright red. Sure, there was the fact that they were no longer on Beforus and so they had no reason to display their blood colors, but Porrim thought it went perfectly with his black pants. And as a fashion expert, she would know.

To Kankri, however, the horrendous sweater was nothing but a nuisance. He wanted nothing more than to see it at the bottom of the trash, and he'd tried too, only to have the jade blooded troll find it somehow. Throwing it in a ditch didn't work either. One time, he'd even resorted to tossing the damn thing in the ocean. That hadn't worked out so well; Porrim had been enraged and for once in his life, _he'd_ been the one on the other side of being lectured. She had ranted on and on about her insufferable fabrics and stitching and whether he knew what it would take to replicate the blah blah blah. He honestly couldn't care less. She was bothersome and while he did understand her actions were done due to her 'caring' for him, he wished she would just quit it. The more she pushed it onto him, the more he would just fight against it. Honestly, why wouldn't the woman just let it go?

On this particular day, almost every one of the twelve trolls were outside in the dream bubble, interacting with each other and their dancestors. The air was filled with soft chatter and enjoyment from everyone, well, almost everyone. It shouldn't have been a surprise that Cronus was in the middle of harassing someone with his 'flirting' and suggestive eyebrows. Unfortunately for him, he was about to have his ear talked off for it since a certain trigger-sensitive troll was nearby, lurking in the shadows, just waiting to find someone in the act of being offensive or rude so he could give one of his infamous lectures. It normally wasn't this hard for him to find someone, but it seemed that everyone was behaving today. Should that have made him happy? Yes, and it did! He was more than gleeful at the show of consideration his friends were giving each other. The only problem was the fact that he had spent the entire not prior awake to work on a new lecture and memos for his group. Around the middle of the night, he'd been wracked with guilt over the realization that he had completely forgotten to write memos for their dancestor counterparts, and spent the rest of the time working on the equivalent of the memos for them as well. When all was written, and double checked for grammar and spelling, and then read a third time for extra measure, he typed all sixty pages up and then printed them out. It would do well to mention that it was sixty pages _per person_. If there were twelve trolls per session, and two groups, that made 1,440 pages in total. Why would one troll have that much paper? Because he knew how desperately his friends thirsted for the knowledge on triggers and proper behavior, and he was always prepared to give it to them.

When every last page was printed, and every stack was set up, colorfully coded and highlight of course for the most important parts, morning had settled in. It was hard to distinguish night from day when the entire sky was a dark abyss into nothingness, or rather the dark ends. Somewhere out there the horrorterrors lurked, but they went unmentioned in his papers. Of course, he wasn't so oblivious as to not realize that the younger trolls were missing a few friends from their group, but he made the amount anyway for copies. And if any doomed timeline versions decided to suddenly pop up and wanted a memo, well now they wouldn't be deprived of this knowledge. However, his entire plan had been spoiled as he walked around and picked up on the fact that, the one time he needed someone to be triggered, there was nothing of the sort going on. After an hour of searching, frustration had overcame him, and the poor troll resorted to seeking out Cronus Ampora, the only guy who could be counted as reliable when it came to harassment, a perfect excuse for the Vantas to appear like wild pokemon and choose him to be the first receiver of the impressively (and torturously) long speech.

All was going well for him, two hours later and he was on page 38. By this point, a small crowd had formed, including Aranea, the only other sensible troll he could talk to who had a hunger for education as he did, Karkat, his pupil dancestor, Cronus of course, young Kanaya with her matesprit Rose, and a bandaged mayor fellow who Kankri deemed as 'very cool'. It gave him great pleasure to be able to deliver the understanding concerning other's feelings, especially when other people were listening besides himself. As he started reading aloud the sixth article, section seven, paragraph five, he couldn't help but notice the commotion going on in front of him. The attention of the trolls (and human and mayor, he would never be as rude as to exclude Rose nor the Mayor) shifted from him to something out of his line of vision, more specifically behind him. The visible reactions were mixed, but all had one look in common: shock. Kanaya had her hand over Rose's eyes, Aranea was blushing, Karkat had his jaw practically touching the floor, and Cronus was doing a woof whistle (a direct violation of article six, paragraph three, the one he'd _just _read a little while ago). With a deep sigh at the interruption, Kankri placed a finger over the line he had stopped on and turned around to get a glimpse of whatever it was.

…._Who_, it was. It was a who, not a what, and it was…

"Porrim!" He was mortified by the sight before him, a bright red blush of utter embarrassment rising up into his cheeks. The hideous candy red sweater was back, only this time it wasn't in in her hand, it was on her body. And it was the _only _piece of clothing on her body. The top was designed for Kankri's smaller body specifically, so one could imagine how it _wasn't supposed to fit her_. And it didn't, at least not that well. Her long legs were certainly exposed, along with the black swirls wrapped around them in their patterns that only she could tell the difference between. Her front and rear were thankfully covered, but just barely. The sleeves seemed to be the only part of the sweater that actually fit her, and that was only because Porrim had created it to be long for Kankri. Even so, the entirety of it was skin tight against her, leaving very little to the imagination, which was what she wanted. It was all part of her plan.

"Something the matter, Kanny?" The jade blooded troll quirked an eyebrow at him, daring him to say what she was waiting for.

"Yes, Porrim! You are clearly triggering everyone here, including myself, with your lack of layers! I demand that you go change this instant into your usual choice of a promiscuous dress. That one, at least, covers more skin. I never thought I would ever have to convince you change _into _that one for the purpose of decency." He shook his head, unable to even bring himself to look up at her.

"Oh but Kanny, I have no plans of changing whatsoever."

"And why not?!" His voice rose an octave in stress.

"Because you have made every attempt at ridding yourself of my sweater. And I spent so much of my time working on it that I simply cannot allow it to be wasted. So if you refuse to wear it, then I will." She simply shrugged in response, which did bring up the hem of the sweater slightly, much to Kankri's discomfort and Cronus's delight (as well as Aranea's).

"You aren't serious about this…"

"I am extremely serious." A smirk played on her lips as she pretended to stretch her arms upward, rising the hem two more inches. If he didn't stop her now, the entire crowd would be flashed from her bits.

"G-AH PORRIM PUT DOWN YOUR ARMS!" He was in full blown panic now, striding over to her quickly to grab her arms and bring them down to her sides, glaring at her. She forced him to use physical contact, and she was blackmailing her into wearing the atrocious garment at the same time.

"…Fine. I'll wear the stupid thing."

With a triumphant smile, her fingers grabbed the hem and pulled it up and over her head to which she handed then it over to Kankri and walked back to her hive, half-naked. This had resulted in a _very_ long lecture from him later that day as well as a nosebleed from Cronus and some awkward cute flirting from Aranea. Kanaya had managed to keep her matesprit's eyes shielded the entire time, much to her relief, and Karkat still blushed angrily every time he ran into her.

And Kankri never took off the sweater again.


End file.
